The Old Ones

Professor Pilliwick's Shrinking Solution

Wormway Beacon and Flotsam Days 1-4


The group barged in on some drunken goblins playing a completely irresponsible game involving knives, booze, and steadily decreasing numbers of fingertips. The creatures were cut apart with the exception of the jowly inebriated Pleeg, Kristin’s obese frenemy from the shore. After evading traps the group ascended the lighthouse castle, killing goblins through force of arms and shaky ladders.

After rescuing the lighthouse keeper’s daughter Egwene, and sparing her the sight of her parent’s murderers draped in their skin and scalps, Kunal climbed the tower while a poisoned soup was prepared and sent up the dumbwaiter. The alarm was sounded after Kristin yelled to her friends at the top of her lungs about some nonsense, drawing a cascade of arrows and debris.

While Joe, Ash, and Kunal ascended the tower by rope, sending fucked-up sleepy goblins plummeting into the abyss, Kristin engaged in a furious long-distance shootout against a gang of onrushing goblins and the gigantic misshapen tumorous ogre-beast known as Treeripper. A dozen goblin warriors rushed across the bridge as Joe desperately tried to raise it while dodging blows of the furious battle being fought by Kunal and Ash against the goblin chief. Kristin took a spear straight into the shoulder but managed to rouse herself to get a shot into the ogre while he was blinded, shaking his hold on the bridge and sending goblins falling to their messy deaths. The beacon was lit and the crew followed the fleet into Flotsam, after relieving the fallenTreeripper of his teeth and monstrous, veiny, ogrehood.

You delivered Egwene to Shelly in Flotsam, and paid Azzo the Red to guide you to Professor Pilliwick’s in order to preserve a certain rotting trophy and identify all manner of weird shit. After testing an experimental potion you were shrunk to tiny size. When all was said and done, scorpions were disintegrated, mosquito-swarms were smashed, and a brave mouse was ridden to victory while magic destroyed a ravenous parrot with the power of laughter and a boiling vat of acid. After revealing his membership in the Camorra, Pilliwick identified a phoenix feather and a gem that is associated with someone known as the Clockwork Man.

21 Goblins
Their chief, Togal
Treeripper the Ogre
A scorpion, in glorious magical combat
Several more scorpions, crushed underfoot
7 Giant Mosquitos
A goddamn snake
Pilliwick’s Parrot



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