The Old Ones

Showdown with Ahmed Noakes
Flotsam and Surrounding Forest, Days 13-16


The Diamond Dogs hastily abandoned the headquarters of the Tenebrous Hand, its members all dead or mutated into horrid creatures trapped in the cellars. After splitting the loot with the street urchins and examining many secret documents, the Dogs informed Lucky Haribold of the demise of his rivals. Our bloodstained mercenaries returned to Shelley’s giant crab and allowed Grandma Rags to tap into the memories of the Clockwork Man. They saw through his eyes over countless years as he killed hundreds, thousands, in flashing moments and disconnected dreamlike memories:

Clockwork Man’s Second Memory Shard

You see your hands……

drowning a child as water spews through holes on a sinking ship amidst a fiery sea battle

disembowling a feathered priest over the rim of a volcano, while thunder and lightning strike a furious staccato, illuminating hundreds of masked figures

garroting a bejeweled merchant in a crowded tavern, as others look on with hard stares

stabbing a wide-eyed lover, during an embrace

spearing a wounded squire, crying over his dead horse on a snowy battlefield

beheading a man covered in tattoos, and tasting his blood on your lips, as the arena crowd cheers your victory

burning a line of crones at the stake, while a hooded chorus chants over their screams

charging on horseback into a crowd of hungry rioting serfs

pushing a pregnant woman off the back of a rushing wagon, into the blinding snowstorm

punching and pounding an eldery sage with clockwork hands, while colorful birds look on and water trickles from a garden fountain

More recently…..

stalking down a hallway, dusty with motes crisscrossing the sunbeams blazing through the Lightbringer motifs, smashing skulls and eviscerating worshippers who die with prayers on their lips, eventually coming upon a paladin clad in holy armor, striking her down with lightning fast blows from a glowing dagger clutched by brass made animate

Very close now…

You look down at your clockwork hands, and tuck a knife deeply into your jacket. Osbald Felltergrubb, Margave of Flotsam, looks on you with resigned sadness. “Despite my great respect for you, after this day, we will be enemies.”

He embraces you, and his expression freezes as your dagger strikes into his back. You begin digging a grave as a blank-faced man moves onto Felltergrubbs corpse and begins rubbing his hands over it…

The Next Day…

Upon recovering, the Diamond Dogs visited the Imperial Geologists, wherein they found that the geologist himself had set off for Pembrooktonshire on urgent business. While meeting with his assistant, the Merchant Barnabas, Kristin became very uneasy due to his overly welcoming manner and the mysterious smells overcoming the expensive perfumes. The Dogs agreed to return an ancient idol (already in their possession) but pleased ignorance to its location.

They then set off for the tower of Ahmed Noakes, in the wilderness near Flotsam. Upon approaching his forest trail they discovered a sheep clutching a “Speak With Animals” scroll. After a bit of interrogation they heard some baaaaaaaaaaad news: The sheep was the actual wizard Shinebright, and his apprentice Ahmed Noakes had transformed him and their assistants into his animal slaves.

The Dogs fought off Ahmed’s half-orc lackey Guz and his trained wolf-people, as well as two giant grizzly bears. They decided on an all out frontal assault on his tower while Kristin used invisibility and knowledge of secret passwords to infiltrate his treetop fortress. Wolves were incinerated and giant mountain lions battled in a the great treetop skirmish. After being ambushed by Kristin, Noakes himself used his wand of transmutation to give a parody of false-life to his own bed, creating a monstrous wood-splinter breathing flying abomination.

A wild magic surge of course resulted in almost ten thousand frogs spewing out of the beasts wooden mouth as it flew across the treetops smashing our heroes at every turn. Ahmed Noakes was knocked off his steed and finished off by Kristin’s knife – it interrupted his stage of transformation, leaving him a pile of boneless skin and organs. Kunal the Barbarian and Joe used everything in their arsenal to bring down the bed while Ash sprinted across frog-guts-strewn branches to reach Kristin before she bled to death.

The tower was secured, and through searching the wizard’s library Joe learned the true story of the painting he was constantly envisioning

He discovered that he was of The Line of Arnolfini

Despite trying his best, our sorcerer failed to transform the wizard Shinebright back into his original body, instead turning him into a disgusting pulsating mass of flesh. Good effort, though! For his troubles he suffered under another Wild Magic Surge, leaving him only able to quack like a duck when fiercely enraged.


Gaz, the Half-Orc berserker, brought down by a thousand blows.

8 Man-Wolves, two of them with jaws snapped by barehanded rage, the rest slaughtered in various gruesome ways.

2 Giant Grizzly Bears, burned and acid-melted.

1 Giant Mountain Lion, shattered by a thousand splinters.

1 Fucking Abominable Flying Wooden Bed-Dragon. What the hell?

Ahmed Noakes, his interrupted spell turning him into a puddle of sludge.

The Wizard Shinebright, proving the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

Forgive Us
Flotsam: Days 11-12


The Diamond Dogs made a connection with someone to fence their ill-gotten goods at Harvand’s House of Cheese. They bought a plethora of breaking-and-entering equipment and moved off in the rainy night to infiltrate the headquarters of the Tenebrous Hand.

The entire block of businesses in the Chokewarren was barred up and locked, doors and windows both. The entire complex of the Hand’s “legitimate” businesses had been locked up for days, but Kristin drank Pilliwick’s Shrinking Solution and rode her mouse carefully under the gates into the courtyard, narrowly avoiding a pack of emaciated and viciously hungry guard dogs. She made her way into the carpenters and opened the door for the rest of the Diamond Dogs, with street urchins King Billy and Azzo the Red in tow.

They explored the complex, discovering secret doors and taking daring ladder routes across the rooftops. In many places they found bodies of Tenebrous Hand members, all of them dead of self-inflicted wounds. Everywhere there was signs of struggle, and rancid black ooze. Upon entering the tavern “The Dog and Bastard”, Kristin descended down into the bar to find a group of mercenaries torturing a wounded gang member. In the ensuing wild tavern battle royale, spells were thrown and furniture smashed while combatants fought for their lives. Ultimately it ended with Joe winning his first wizardly duel by both dissolving and freezing the enemy spellcaster, while the rest of the crew battled a Vornish knight, a Kashviri fencer, and a Kantic ghoul. When victory was assured the group came to actual blows over Kunal’s brutal execution of an unarmed fingerless man. The surviving two mercenaries were tied up. Ashley cleverly used magic to trap the ferocious dogs inside a locked building. King Billy got over his string of horrible luck and opened the Guildmaster of the Tenebrous Hand’s private room, discovering a map indicating that they recently robbed the Imperial geologists. The gang-leader had apparently dashed his own brains out on the fireplace, leaving a note behind to his wife describing how they have tried to contain some great evil… in the basement.

Naturally, the Diamond Dogs descend into the cellars, the scene of a wild last stand. They open the vault to find more riches and treasures than they can carry, but are swarmed by tentacled pale-fleshed suppurating creatures that were once members of the Tenebrous Hand, trapped down in the vaults by the last surviving thieves, in a desperate attempt to contain them. Perhaps the mass-suicide taking place afterwards was the most selfless thing the Tenebrous Hand ever attempted.

The group battled fiercely to hold the gate, while a blazing inferno burned but did not stop the horde of ravenous creatures. The Diamond Dogs rocked the teamwork gang by managing a fighting retreat through the narrow corridors and pit trap, ultimately sealing the creatures into the basement while a battle raged against the recently escaped prisoners.

The Diamond Dogs stand victorious, laden with treasure including another memory gem, a map, and incriminating documents. The things are trapped in the basement… but for how long?


Aggarwal the Kashviri, lightning-stabbed in the spine by Kristin’s magic dagger.

and his gang:
-Feldhaus von Vornheim, frozen and smashed.
-Rossart the Magnificent, acid-burned to a leaking sack of organs
-Ferguson the Ghoul, stabbed in the back of the neck by Azzo the Red

-The Tenebrous Hand torture victim, head smashed in by Kunalic rage.

-Five tentacled horrors, destroyed by the word’s of Ash’s god and the raging lantern-oil inferno.

-Kurt MacReady and many more members of his Tenebrous Hand, transformed into pustulent cetacean abominations or died at their own hands.

Picking Up Her Trail
Smuggler's Cave. Days 8-10


The Diamond Dogs were approached by some trackers in the forest. Kunal bravely cut his own palm before shaking hands with “Reiter the Deserter” – this only made it easier for Reiter to apply the slow-acting poison into his blood.

It turns out that Reiter was working for Serevard the Snitch, a rival bandit in these parts. He was hungry for a pardon, and his only way to get one was by turning in the head of Stuttering William to the Legion in Flotsam. The Diamond Dogs had 3 hours to return with William’s head, or Kunal would die thrashing in pain without an antidote.

The crew decided to infiltrate the cave quietly through the bottom cargo entrance, only to end up blasting fire magic all over the ceilings which were littered with carnivorous piercer-slugs. This alerted William’s gang and a running battle began in the cave. After a bout of false negotiation, the Elven hedge-sorceror Daunton descended from his advantageous position to engage in a wizardly duel with Joe. He did not expect Kunal the Barbarian to enter into a frenzied rage and chop him in half with two rapid blows. The archers at the cave entrance were sandwiched between the Diamond Dog’s and Serevard’s arrows, and the remaining archer was stabbed repeatedly in the face by Kristin’s lighting fast dagger.

While controlling the cargo winch in the upper caverns the party was ambushed by the survivors of William’s gang, including Lesgrove, the Blistered Lightbringer knight. He was unstoppable in battle, but his brain could not handle Kristin’s psychic assaults combined with Ashley’s Word of God. The final survivor, S-t-t-t-t-tuttering William himself agreed to negotiate, but the talks were cut short by Ash’s violent ambush and another instance of Kunalic barbarian rage.

Upon liberating the witch Grandma Rags from the cavern, the head of William was exchanged with Serevard for the antidote. The party returned to Emsfall on foot the next morning, while Grandma Rags told them the origin of Kunal’s Spancel – said to belong to the Hollow Bride at Widow’s Watch. After exchanging the remaining bandit-heads for coin with the Legion, the Diamond Dogs noticed Serevard and his crew hanging from the great gallows “Six-At-A-Gulp”. It seems the Legion does not forgive or forget.

Grandma Rags performed a ritual to read the Clockwork Man’s memory gem, where it was revealed that he is a member of an ancient group of ‘immortals’, beings who live onward yet constantly need new hosts to replace their aging bodies. It appears that the Clockwork Man has taken a scientific approach to his own immortality and replaced his own weak flesh with biomechanical parts.

Finally, Lucky Haribold of the Camorra requested the Diamond Dogs presence on a most-secret mission: To infiltrate the headquarters of the most powerful gang in Flotsam – the Tenebrous Hand.


Four piercer-slugs

Stuttering William and his gang:
-Sir Lesgrove, a Blistered Knight
-Kepler, his squire
-Harvin the Fervent
-Marileth, elven scout
-Domingo the Gold
-Daunton the hedge-sorceror
- Yellow Bert
- Karl von Vornheim, squire

Serevard the Snitch
his lover, Lady Bulwyn
his muscle, Reiter the Deserter

Crime and Punishment
Flotsam and Environs Days 4-8


The Diamond/Dungeon Dogs registered themselves as a Free Company of Flotsam, now granted permission by the Imperial Legion to bear arms in the city commensurate with their oaths of loyalty to the Emperor, the Pope, and Vorn himself.

Upon becoming legitimate their first order of business was to hire the street urchin King Billy to guide them to the cheapest brothel in town and celebrate with warm ale and grog and prostitutes of low reputation. At the “Wretched Ketch” they learned of the frequent disappearance of Kantic men. Kunal woke with a thin ribbon of human skin tied around his neck. The group proceeded to Professor Pilliwick, who identified it as a spancel.

It was a tape of human skin, cut from the silhouette of the dead man. That is to say, the cut had been begun at the right shoulder, and the knife—going carefully in a double slit so as to make a tape—had gone down the outside of the right arm, round the outer edge of each finger as if along the seams of a glove, and up on the inside of the arm to the arm-pit. Then it had gone down the side of the body, down the leg and up it to the crotch, and so on until it had completed the circuit of the corpse’s outline, at the shoulder from which it had started. It made a long ribbon.

The way to use a Spancel was this. You had to find the man you loved while he was asleep. Then you had to throw it over his head without waking him, and tie it in a bow. If he woke while you were doing this, he would be dead within the year. If he did not wake until the operation was over, he would be bound to fall in love with you.

The Dogs agreed to find Shelly of the Dessicated Crab’s missing wagon. They smelled through the half-assed attempt to disguise the attack as the work of monsters and tracked the thieves to a campfire. There they discovered that the gang of rogues were members of the Camorra acting alone, attempting to cover up their murder of the Brothers Axe and the theft of Shelly’s cashbox.

The Dogs ambushed the renegades and after a few close calls, two of them were painfully burned to acid mush by the sorcerer’s Chromatic Orbs. Kristin harnessed her bardic energy to destroy the minds of the two leaders, only to have Kunal chase after the escaped muscle-man “Half-Head Cowan” and get into a deadly wrestling match in the dark forest, alone. After almost being choked to death Kunal barely managed to smash in the other half of Cowan’s head with a skull, covering himself in brains and red mush.

Returning to town with newfound information, the Dogs were able to enter the Camorra’s hideout in the grottoes underneath Flotsam and meet Lucky Haribold himself, who gave them information on the Tiefling Sorceror known in these parts as “The Chronomancer”.

They set off to chase down the bounty of the Lightbringer bandit Stuttering William and defeated two of his elven scouts in a botched ambush – these criminals were not quite ready for the destructive force of Kristin and Joe’s magical abilities, and Kunal’s absolute single-minded thirst for blood. They stand amongst the corpses, with no leads on how to find the lair of Stuttering William…..


Two elven scouts, members of Stuttering William’s Gang.
Halfhead Cowan, Lump, Grimm, and Sneezle, rogue members of the Camorra, working on their own.
The Brothers Axe, an unfortunate group of Dwarven caravan guards.

Professor Pilliwick's Shrinking Solution
Wormway Beacon and Flotsam Days 1-4


The group barged in on some drunken goblins playing a completely irresponsible game involving knives, booze, and steadily decreasing numbers of fingertips. The creatures were cut apart with the exception of the jowly inebriated Pleeg, Kristin’s obese frenemy from the shore. After evading traps the group ascended the lighthouse castle, killing goblins through force of arms and shaky ladders.

After rescuing the lighthouse keeper’s daughter Egwene, and sparing her the sight of her parent’s murderers draped in their skin and scalps, Kunal climbed the tower while a poisoned soup was prepared and sent up the dumbwaiter. The alarm was sounded after Kristin yelled to her friends at the top of her lungs about some nonsense, drawing a cascade of arrows and debris.

While Joe, Ash, and Kunal ascended the tower by rope, sending fucked-up sleepy goblins plummeting into the abyss, Kristin engaged in a furious long-distance shootout against a gang of onrushing goblins and the gigantic misshapen tumorous ogre-beast known as Treeripper. A dozen goblin warriors rushed across the bridge as Joe desperately tried to raise it while dodging blows of the furious battle being fought by Kunal and Ash against the goblin chief. Kristin took a spear straight into the shoulder but managed to rouse herself to get a shot into the ogre while he was blinded, shaking his hold on the bridge and sending goblins falling to their messy deaths. The beacon was lit and the crew followed the fleet into Flotsam, after relieving the fallenTreeripper of his teeth and monstrous, veiny, ogrehood.

You delivered Egwene to Shelly in Flotsam, and paid Azzo the Red to guide you to Professor Pilliwick’s in order to preserve a certain rotting trophy and identify all manner of weird shit. After testing an experimental potion you were shrunk to tiny size. When all was said and done, scorpions were disintegrated, mosquito-swarms were smashed, and a brave mouse was ridden to victory while magic destroyed a ravenous parrot with the power of laughter and a boiling vat of acid. After revealing his membership in the Camorra, Pilliwick identified a phoenix feather and a gem that is associated with someone known as the Clockwork Man.

21 Goblins
Their chief, Togal
Treeripper the Ogre
A scorpion, in glorious magical combat
Several more scorpions, crushed underfoot
7 Giant Mosquitos
A goddamn snake
Pilliwick’s Parrot

Lighting the Way
The Wormway Beacon - Day 1

You woke up shipwrecked on the beach in front of the Wormway Beacon on the island of Cormyr. Your mission was to reach the beacon and relight it before the approaching Imperial Galleon Indefatigable gets destroyed on the rocks. After brutally slaughtering the goblin scouting party you opted to take the stealthy approach by entering the Beacon Tower through the Tidal Caves. Kristin managed to make a deal with an obese goblin – his potion stash for his life – and he was last seen huffing and puffing as he ran along the beach while she admonished him to “remember her forever!” Despite Kristin’s protestations the barbaric Kunal pushed your erstwhile ally/captive “Sallow” Mord into opening a long sealed cargo ship belonging to Dr. Mengsk’s ill fated fungal expedition.

Kunal and Ashley were almost turned into crab food in a deadly ambush in the tidal caverns, but his orcish endurance saved both from drowning in the briny shallows. In addition to Kunal’s bag of mysterious feathers the two criminals uncovered a stash containing more clover dice and a large color-changing gemstone of great value in a valise marked for Malaclypse the Elder in the city of Salt in Wounds. Other notable recoveries include three bone cantrips, five mysterious potions and an unopened bloodstained letter found on the body of Baron Corbluss. Our tiefling sorcerer seems to be getting constant visions of a mysterious painting….

We ended when the group slaughtered some goblins who had made camp in the Supply Cellar of the Wormway Beacon. Less than 6 hours remain before the galleon’s arrival…..

3 Giant Crabs
3 Fungal Infectors
8 Goblins
A deranged necromantic prisoner of Dreadhold
Sallow Mord, the old smuggler and ‘ironwhore’
Baron Corbluss, the Vornish aristocrat

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